Grief and Writing

My little Nina died. I will never be the same. 

It sounds trite. It is not. 

Nina was – it’s difficult to write “was” as I can’t let her go – a little chihuahua terrier mix I adopted from the Pasadena Humane Society in 2014. I can’t let her go. 

She died on the last day of September 2024. It was a Monday, the day of Shiva.

I listen to David Gilmour. Nina and I touch the space between guitar and divine; think of Michelangelo’s two hands, but it’s my hand and Nina’s paw. 

Looks like I am trying to cope with loss through creative writing as my two latest publications are about loss. 

“A Vision of Love” is about incarnating a vision of love after you wake up and lose it. The 108-word micro was accepted for publication the day when I picked up Nina’s ashes, which was on Monday, October 7. It was published the following Monday, October 14, in Maya’s Micros, the 108-word max short form feature of the literary magazine The Closed Eye Open. “Why 108, you may ask? Have fun speculating” writes Maya Highland, who edits that feature, along with Daniel A. Morgan. For me, that number has to do with Shiva and Mondays.

In 2023, The Closed Eye Open had already published “Just Say No – Unsquared,” a story about how a past life recall positively influenced my life. I feel a kinship with the editorial focus of that magazine. 

My other recently published story is “Blue Frog Looking for Her Words,” which is about grief after the suicide of a loved one. It was published in September 2024 in Wild Roof Journal. It so happens that Aaron Lelito, who is one of the editors of The Closed Eye Open and Maya’s Micros, is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Wild Roof Journal. Synchronicity at play.

I thank the editorial team of both journals for allowing my words to exist on their pages, but I’m still looking for my words.